I met Troy Brown last week.
Yeah. Troy Brown. Only one of the greatest athletes on the planet. Certainly the greatest football player that I'll probably ever meet. I'm still holding out that Tom Brady will in fact, let me run my fingers through those million dollar locks while we sit on his couch and watch a marathon of Hoarders together. . .but he hasn't responded to my emails. . yet.
Anyway, Troy Brown. The Troy Brown with 557 career receptions. The Troy Brown with a franchise record (and a record tied with Jerry Rice) of 16 receptions in a single game. A single game!
Even if you care nothing about football (like that could possibly be true!) or know nothing about Troy Brown or the Patriots. . .let me explain this. A reception is when you catch the ball. On purpose. And it's not easy. And to do it 16 times in a single game not only means you're full of the awesome, but it means that your team really, really, really thinks you're good. 'Cause they keep throwing you the ball. And you keep CATCHING IT! I'm pretty sure the only other person to do that besides Jerry Rice was maybe Jesus when he played Pop Warner Football. . .
So Troy Brown came to my tiny little town to promote some beer company he's been working with. And you'd better believe I was in line. With Cole. Because what kind of mother would I be if I didn't drag my toddler to the local liquor store to meet a football legend? I planned ahead for the wait and made sure Cole would have plenty of distractions. . .
I brought books and toys and crayons and snacks. . .but he wanted my sunglasses. . .
. . .and he wanted to play in the only strip of dirt in the entire parking lot. . .
It's not clear to me why this little girl was wearing face paint, but that's not part of our story.
. . .he wanted to take my camera and take his own "pictures". . .
. . .and it was a long, long, wait for a two year old. But he did well. And all the while, I kept explaining to him who we'd be meeting and why. How he'd be the envy of everyone for meeting Troy Brown. And that Troy Brown's day would be ultimately so much better because he met Cole. [Side Note: Cole was the only child under 12 years old at this event and the only child wearing any type of Patriots paraphernalia. It's still unclear to me why there weren't more babies at the liquor store to see this all-time receiver, but that's neither here nor there. . .]
As we get closer to the front of the line, I realize that Troy Brown is not signing anything that you bring from home and isn't taking pictures with anyone. Well, pooh! I hear a few folks try to reason with Troy Brown, as they explain to him the significance of their random piece of Patriots history that won't be complete without his autograph and Troy Brown says no. Okay, fine. Must have his reasons and I haven't been waiting in line for about 2 hours to argue with the guy. . .so let's get this line moving. . .
It's our turn.
Troy Brown looks at Cole in his little Wes Welker jersey (Cole wasn't even born before Troy Brown retired, so knock it off. . .) and asks to pick him up. PICK HIM UP! Of course! Of course one of the all time leading receivers in Patriots (and the universe's!) history can hold my little boy. And what a freaking photo opp! So I quickly unbuckle him from his stroller. . .
. . . and he drops a rock on the floor. A rock. From his filthy little covered-in-parking-lot-dirt hands. And he flips out. Trying to squirm out of Troy Brown's arms. . .which, by the way, are HUGE. And can certainly hold my squirmy toddler.
So I'm trying to get the picture. . .and Cole's squirming. And I think he's actually taking his grubby little hands and pushing Troy Brown's face away.
I start to sweat. I accidentally hit the 'power' button on the camera instead of the shutter. . .
And Cole looks at Troy Brown and says. . .loudly. . .and clear as a bell. . .
"Please put me down football player. I want my rock."
Troy Brown laughs. Puts Cole down. Cole drops to the floor to get his rock. And starts playing right there, under Troy Brown's legs, with his dirty Thomas Train and his new rock. Until he realizes he's free to run around a room filled with glass bottles. . .and then he takes off.
And this is the picture I get of this lifetime experience. . .
And at least it was a good story. Suppose that's all I can ask for.
I have some exciting news that I'll share with you guys soon. No. . .we're not pregnant. Get that right out of your heads. What's that they say? Fool me once, shame on me. . .fool me twice. . .go get an IUD?
I finally got a job. . .and I'll tell you about it soon.
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