When's the last time you gave an enema?

. . .for me it was last week. 

My first enema.  This is what it's come to.  This is what my failure of an attempt at potty training has led us to. 

I'm so bad at teaching Cole to use the potty, that I had to give him an enema.  And you'd better believe I'm going to tell you about it.

These are pickled beets.  Don't worry...it'll make sense later.

Cole came down with his usual right-before-Thanksgiving-super-sickness, complete with a high fever and call to pick him up from school.  He was complaining of having to strain to go to the potty. . .and that freaked me out.  A fever? A potty problem? A visit with the doctor ASAP.

And our doctor is the worst, remember? So I wasn't that excited to bring this to her attention.  Thankfully, we ended up seeing an amazing new resident who actually listened to me, didn't push me a prescription, and let me finish an entire sentence before interruping with, "yes, I'm quite familiar with what you're going to say."  Although he did say that. . .but he let me finish, first.  Huge difference.

And he prescribed an enema.  That was Cole's problem.  Not the fever.  Not the potty strain.  The lack of pooping.  I finally fessed up that yes, he refuses to poop.  He just won't do it.  The potty is no problem if it's number one.  Throw in the prospect of number two and its game over.  He won't even poop in his diaper. 

Have you ever seen a grown woman beg for a poop?  It's humbling.  I do it daily.  (and if you answered yes and don't have a potty problem at home...then shame on you.)

So he won't poop.  And because he won't poop it gets tougher to poop when he finally gives up and has to poop.  C'est la vie.  Such is the way of the world. 

But this is a problem.  Like a real, medical problem that could require surgery if we don't get it under control.  And so an enema?  Yeah, we can do this. 

These are pickles.  Seriously, it'll all make sense.

I figure the maximum amount of information is what's best.  I need to be completely transparent with this one.  Tell the kid exactly what we're going to do.  And have an awesome prize waiting when we're done.  That always helps.  I made sure work knew I'd be out for the day, Bill and I went to the store to get Cole a Christmas-worthy toy, and waited for the dawn.

The enema was a kid's sized enema, thank goodness and it had a bunch of cartoon charcters on it.  It caught his attention right away.  I gave him the box.  Wanted him to get up and personal with it.  Know his enemy. 

"Oh mom, what's this fun box?"

"Yes, Cole.  This box is fun." 

The back of the box had a diagram of the different positions your child should be in when receiving this fun.  He noticed right away. 

"Mom...do I need to sit like this to use this fun box?"

This was going so much better than I had expected.  I said, "Well Cole, Dr. Bill (that was our nice young resident's name...so fitting, don't you think?) wants you to take this medicine."

"Oh, okay mom.  Dr. Bill is nice.  Does it taste like grapes?"

"Not so much, Cole.  This medicine is like water that goes in your bum bum....."

[I'm freaking out here.  Does he know what I'm saying?  Does he understand? I mean....really understand?  Keep your cool, Erika.  Say it's no big deal.  Do NOT show him how freaked out you are about this....]

"Really, it's no big deal, Cole.  Water in your bum bum is no big deal."

[You know what?  It's a really big deal.  You're such a liar.  Lying to your child, that's a good look on you, Erika.  Especially since this is your fault to begin with.  You could have taken potty training a little more seriously.  Fed him more bran.  You never really do take anything seriously and that's why your mother still won't let you borrow her car....]

"Yeah, you're right mom.  Water in my bum bum is no big deal."

Do you KNOW how funny it is when your 3 year old says that something isn't a big deal? Nevermind that he's talking about water in his bum bum.  But I go with it.  I fight the urge to laugh and take him upstairs to do the deed. 




This is a cornstarch finger paint mixture.

Look, I'll spare you the gory details but let's just say that Cole figured out somewhere between ounces 1 and 2 that yeah, water in your bum bum is kind of a big deal.  Even if Dr. Bill says you should do it.  Even if you're holding one of the best toys on Earth.  Even if your mother has lied to you and gotten you in this position.  Even if you were promised ice cream for life.

He was eventually fine and I had the pleasure of changing close to 43 diapers that day.  I'd so much had rather been at work.  But, just in case you ever need to give an enema to a loved one of your own, I feel it's my duty to share with you the tips I've unearthed through my experience.  I owe you that, my friends.

1.  It's always a big deal.  Don't try to play it off like it's not.
2.  You really do have to sit still for 10 minutes after.  This is not a suggestion.  This is totally necessary.
3.  Vaseline is a good idea.  Don't make me explain.
4.  Wait some time after lunch.  Full bellies and sensitive gag relflexes are not helpful combinations.
5.  Commit.  There's absolutely no room for the start-stop-start approach.  Commit and go full steam.
6.  Don't look them in the eyes.  Actually, just try really hard not to look at anything.

He laid on the couch, hugging his new enema-toy for much of the afternoon.  I think he was exhausted from all that pooping, and still had a bit of his unrelated flu.  But he made sure to tell every person that came into my house that day, that "Mom put some water in my bum bum. . .and it was no big deal."

I'm so thankful he just said that at home and not to the person standing in line behind us at the grocery store.

Unfortunately, we're still in the same prediciment we were pre-enema, but I'm trying a natural solution of mineral oils, fiber, and other remedies to try and "get things moving."  I couldn't resist.




These are cornstarch finger paints with food coloring.

 I'll keep you posted on our poop progress.  Apparently, and this according to Dr. Bill, many kids have this issue when potty training.  It really is no big deal.

Unless you're the one holding the enema...

Oh, oh....and the pictures were some fun things I've done with the kids over the past couple of weeks.  It's getting colder around here making us spend more time indoors...and we can't be having enema-fun all day, you know.